A Very Sad Passing

Last Monday I came home from work and found Bailey curled up in the batting of my box spring mattress dead. An abrupt assessment? Well, it was an abrupt moment - just ask my poor mother who received a phone call that was completely incomprehensible due to my sobbing and sniffing and hysterics. I really don't think she understood anything I was attempting say for the first 15 - 20 seconds of the conversation. Then she had to walk me through the preparing of the body for refrigeration (I'll come back to that) and the opening of the first beer of many.

I ended the phone call and her misery and then realized I would be incapable of concentrating on work the next day and so thinking I could hold it together, I called my boss to tell him I would not be in Tuesday. Well, needless to say, he also could not understand the first 15 - 20 seconds of our phone call but was very sweet. I then remembered that I had a dentist appointment on Tuesday and called their office and left a completely incoherent message on their machine. It was a trifecta of incomprehensible messages.

So the fridge. I wanted her cremated and so I had to keep her chilled until I could get her to the vet in the morning. So I wrapped her in a towel, put her in a garbage bag, and put her in the fridge. Morbid, yes. Effective, yes.

Tuesday morning I work my way step by step toward the vet. First getting the bag from the fridge to the door; door to car; car to vet; bag from car to front door; front door to front desk. And crying the whole time. I drop off Bailey with the very kind staff and cry my way back to the car. I am sitting in the car sobbing (no delicate, gentle tears here - snot and sobs only) and I notice this elderly man looking at me. I give him the "I acknowledge you as a fellow human only because my mother taught me that this is what I should do" smile and he mouths the words, "I'm sorry" and I mouth back, "Thank you." More sobbing until I realize that the man is back outside my window. Addled with grief, I crack the window and the man proceeds to tell me how he once a wonderful dog that he loved very much (it helps if your inner voice assumes a Scandinavian accent while reading his story). His dog was deaf and every time he got in his truck the dog would stand there and then move out of the way. Well, she was deaf. So one day, he started the truck and ran over the dog. Because the dog was deaf, it didn't move out of the and he ran over it. He loved that dog very much and he understands how I feel. End of the story. What do you say to that??? I said, "Thanks," started the car, and left.

How do these people find me? Am I cosmically listed? At least it made me laugh - so hard I had to pull over and blow my nose and wipe my eyes. Bailey would have enjoyed every moment of my misery but have been the first to let me rub my face in her fur while she purred in my ear. I miss her every morning when she's not demanding to be fed and at night when she's not beating up the other cats and the dog. She was mean, she peed on me in bed more than once, and I loved her so much. She cannot be replaced.

End of the month - Just a little stressed...

It almost sounds like I'm waiting for the stick to change colors! I'm just waiting for the month to end so the craziness will end for a day or so before we start panicking about next month. Ah, the circle of life.

So I moved from my crack house (with the great Victoria porch) to this nicer and much larger apartment in November '07. I have not unpacked anything. My clothes came in garbage bags so emptying those into the dresser or on to the closet rack doesn't really count. I bought new dishes and glasses so those, while existing, did not actually "move" any farther than from Wal Mart to my kitchen. How sad is that?

You can actually see the boxes and storage bins of yarn behind Bailey. If I had any shame, I would be feeling it at this point - and nothing. Which is a good thing, really, as drastic changes in personality is one of the signs that my meds aren't working. So all is well.

Oh, and the pic? That is the "get your ass off the couch and feed me now" look that Bailey has perfected over the years. She held that look without blinking through 3 flash pictures. That cat has staying power.

Back in saddle, so to speak

My friend, B, is a regular blogger and reading her post tonight inspired my to get back at it and set some time aside during the week to post. So here I go...

I looked at my last post and was shocked to realize how old it was - April 2007! So much has happened I can't reasonably cover it all here. The highlights:

1. I moved from a crack house to a nice quiet apartment with so much more room for the crazy cats and the new addition, Roxanne the rat terrier.

2. I bought a dog. This statement sounds misleading - like I bought her from a breeder. I actually bought her from my crack addicted neighbor who was strung out and needing money for another hit. While you always have choices, I felt that in this situation, I did not have a choice as not buying Roxanne would have haunted me endlessly because he was going to sell her to someone and who knew how that person would treat her. So for $60, I acquired a spastic rat terrier who needs love and patience. She has settled in so well - she plays with the cats, chews up her toys, and sleeps under the covers with me every night. She is the best $60 I have ever spent.

3. I am still employed by the same company; still enjoying having medical insurance; and really loving my "new to me" convertible VW Beetle.

4. I am leading a Saturday morning knitting group of wonderful women who are constantly supportive, smart, funny, and creative. What more could you ask of your friends?

I would add some pictures at this point but we are having a terrible thunder storm and my camera is in my car so above is a pic that B took while walking Roxanne.

More pics and stories to follow and in a more timely fashion!

The pic is of "Bird Cat" and it was one of many purchases I made at the 4 Bridges Art Festival. For those of you who know that I have a bird phobia and are wondering why I bought it, I just imagine that the cat is about to eat the bird. A little sick, but it works.

I had a little too much financial fun there, though. Oh, well, it was all so pretty! How was I to resist? The only thing that could have made it even better would have been a shoe vendor. Maybe next year...

This week at work has been crazy! I've been department hopping, project juggling, going to a funeral, and setting up a blind date - but not for me!

The funeral was for my aunt T's mother. She died Saturday night from cancer - she was very ill and in pain so her passing was a blessing in that respect. T has lost a lot of weight caring for her mother and is just exhausted. No matter that it was a blessing - I still cannot imagine losing my mother. It literally makes me tear up just thinking about it. And to stand at the front of the room at the funeral home and have to greet and talk to all of the people - I would just want to scream, "You don't understand! She was MY mother!" I know many of you have lost your mothers and I cannot understand how you function. Even the thought nearly paralyzes me. We all have to go but I do not have to like it or accept it gracefully! I didn't do that when Maggie died and I have not plans to change now! Tirade against death now over.

On a much better note (maybe I should have put this before the death rant but at least I'm ending on a good note!), I have set up my first blind date! My friend J is meeting a guy I work with, M, on Sat for drinks. I am more excited than they are - they are just nervous while I am completely giddy! My self esteem isn't on the line! Why should I be nervous? I'm going as a "date facilitator" and if it goes well, I'll leave. If it bombs, we'll drink a few beers, dump him, and have a good girls' night.

Now, I'm working on getting myself a date! I'm working on it and will report fully when it happens!

And I have not given up on the socks - I am waiting for my brother to give me his foot measurement. Very rude of him to keep me waiting, I think.